the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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