could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
