Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have demons in me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
