Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
