Kiss
Puke
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize