I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize