How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
