FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
