Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
