A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
