I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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