I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
