eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
