Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
