I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
