She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we should paint friendship bongs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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