Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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