u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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