I met the friendliest cop last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
this is an emotional support booty call
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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