I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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