Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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