I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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