the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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