would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
