The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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