Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
