It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
