You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
