If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
