So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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