Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
