ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
