she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
