I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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