I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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