I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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