Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
