is your mom at the bar?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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