I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
