he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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