there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
