Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
