I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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