It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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