Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
