I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Im part way to drunk.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
