the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Houston, we have a blender
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
