I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
