We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
