I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
