the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
time to smoke my breakfast
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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