You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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