i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
