I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
