Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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