Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
