Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize