She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
