He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
