Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize