its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize