party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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