I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize