You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
