im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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