If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I cut my penus on the lid.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
