I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She needs sedatives and a leash
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
