u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
