Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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