Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
