Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
