we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
