Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
