I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
