I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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