Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
