bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Randomize
