Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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