He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
