Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
