So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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