I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
