nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize