one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
