It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize