her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
