Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
