Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
