He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I sprained my soul last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize