In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
