I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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