wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
