I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
