please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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