Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
