you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
