he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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