took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
