he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
