thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
