I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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