it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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