Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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