I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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