Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
