Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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