I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
not ubering you a puppy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
