I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
