Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so explain again why im purple
no
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
