the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
