i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
